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The large church parking lot was empty except for the cluster of cars parked near the side door. This would make incognito almost impossible. I slowly pulled in, avoiding eye contact with the turning heads of the group gathered outside. After turning my car off, I could hear their indistinguishab...

Dec 27, 2024

Letter to Myself in Active Addiction

August 4, 2023: It is August 4, 2018. A day before your birthday. I know that you’ve roamed around uptown Charlotte, NC in a confused fog for hours looking for your belongings. You hid your bag of clothes, laptop, and toiletries somewhere in a parking building. Now you have been desperately tryin...

Dec 27, 2024

Untangling Meth from Sex

I downloaded Tinder after a couple of months into recovery. It felt like time to maybe 'get back out there.' But after a few matches and conversations like: "Hey" "What you up to?" "What you like to do for fun?" "What kinda music you into?" I groaned, rolled my eyes, and laid back on my bed to ta...

Dec 27, 2024

Self-Empowered Recovery

Quitting crystal meth cold turkey shocked my nervous system. I lived in a state of dysregulation. Loud sighs if the line was long. Rolling my eyes at the slow walkers. Slamming the horn when someone didn't signal. Bitching under my breath about the loud guy at the gym. Taking away my chemical shi...

Dec 27, 2024

Careful What You Pray For

(Cause you'll get it) Growing up in the Pentecostal church felt like being in the front row of live theatre. The sanctuary became a stage. Seemingly ordinary people transformed into flamboyant performers. As a boy, I was thoroughly entertained. My coloring book couldn't compete with Mr. Jones, th...

Dec 27, 2024

Overcoming Adolescent Addiction

When I reflect on my earliest memory, a blurry scene comes to mind. I must have been a toddler because the top of the kitchen table was above my head. I remember a blurred face that I recognize as my dad. He hands me a cup to drink out of and I take a big swig of whiskey. Crying ensues from me; l...

Dec 27, 2024

The Myth of Sex Addiction

On my back. Under the stars. On the streets of Charlotte. One week sober and overwhelmed. It was early August 2018. I had celebrated my 41st birthday in county jail. Now, I was ready to build it all back. I remember feeling a sense of excitement as I imagined living with my kiddos again, working ...

Dec 27, 2024

Moon's Out; Meth's Out

Summer Solstice AND a full moon?! The woo-woo's are going nuts right now. Do a little search on YouTube and you'll find all of the spiritual gurus talking about the meaning of these two events together and how to take advantage of the placement for your life. (By the way, I'm also a woo-woo 🙃... ...

Dec 27, 2024

When Family Loves Us to Death

"Mom, I was arrested." "For what???" "Drug possession." "YOU ARE SMOKING WEED?" "No, mom...meth." Silence If my mug shot hadn't been blasted over the internet, I'm not sure when I would have ever come clean to my mom about my meth addiction. My momma didn't understand how to manage a son with an ...

Dec 27, 2024

Devil and Angel: A Win/Win

Phone in the right hand, cigarette in the left. Right thumb scrolling the Grindr grid, left thumb flicking ashes. Left leg propped on banister, right leg crossed and jostling with anticipation. I had assumed the position on my back patio. The sun was setting, the kids were with their mom, and I w...

Dec 27, 2024

Psychedelics in Sobriety: They Can Coexist

Our response to life dictates our place in life. Victor Frankl, who survived a Nazi concentration camp famously wrote: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances..." Our attitude is the only thing we...

Dec 27, 2024

Grieving Your Past (addiction) Self in 5 Stages

People who have had Near Death Experiences (NDE) report undergoing life reviews. Imagine a play-by-play of your story from birth to life projected on a celestial screen. I've used this possibility to help deter bad decisions. "If I do this, will I want it rehashed for the whole universe to watch ...

Dec 27, 2024

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