Self-Empowered Recovery

Quitting crystal meth cold turkey shocked my nervous system. I lived in a state of dysregulation.

Loud sighs if the line was long.

Rolling my eyes at the slow walkers.

Slamming the horn when someone didn't signal.

Bitching under my breath about the loud guy at the gym.

Taking away my chemical shield left me raw and feeling every emotion on a deeper and visceral level.

Can you relate?

During the first 90 days of the recovery process, I think finding and attending a 12-step program meeting every day is important. You need to find some structure and grounding to lay the foundation for change.

And I did that.

Until I observed that I did not resonate with most of the 12-step philosophies. This conflict showed that the critical thinking part of my brain was back online.

And this is the beauty of the recovery industry today. We all have many options to choose from that go beyond just one program.

I carved out my own plan. And you can too.

Take what resonates and leave the rest. That is what Judge Mary Beth O'Connor, author of "From Junkie to Judge, One Woman's Triumph over Trauma and Addiction," did, and we find out all about it in this week's episode of The AfterMeth!

Whether you're on your own recovery journey, supporting a loved one, or simply interested in understanding the complexities of addiction and trauma, this guide offers valuable perspectives and practical tools.

From a childhood marred by severe abuse to battling drug addiction as a teenager, Mary Beth ultimately rose to become a federal administrative law judge. Her journey is inspiring and a roadmap for those seeking to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Mary Beth's experiences underscore the deep connection between childhood trauma and addiction while also demonstrating the potential for profound change and healing. If this woman can get sober from meth, so can you.

Understanding Trauma and Addiction

One of the most crucial takeaways from the interview is the intricate relationship between trauma and addiction. Mary Beth emphasizes that while these issues are often intertwined, they require separate but parallel healing processes.

Key points to consider:

1. Trauma as a root cause: Many individuals turn to substances as a way to cope with unresolved trauma.
2. Dual healing: Addressing both trauma and addiction simultaneously is often necessary for comprehensive recovery.
3. PTSD and anxiety: Recognizing that trauma can manifest in various mental health issues that complicate the recovery process.
4. The challenge of feeling: Sobriety often brings a flood of emotions that were previously numbed by substances, making the initial stages of recovery particularly challenging.

The Non-Linear Nature of Recovery

Mary Beth's experiences highlight an essential truth about recovery: it's not a straight line. Progress often comes with ups and downs, and setbacks are a normal part of the journey.

Important aspects of non-linear recovery:

1. Relapse as part of the process: Mary Beth used drugs three times in her first five months of recovery, illustrating that perfect abstinence from day one is not always realistic.
2. Different areas, different paces: Recovery from substance use might progress faster than healing from trauma, or vice versa.
3. Incremental progress: Focus on small, achievable goals rather than expecting immediate, dramatic changes.
4. Patience and persistence: Recognizing that lasting change takes time and consistent effort.

By embracing the non-linear nature of recovery, individuals can develop more realistic expectations and greater resilience in the face of challenges.

Self-Empowered Recovery: Crafting Your Own Path

A significant theme in Mary Beth's approach to recovery is the concept of self-empowered healing. This approach allows individuals to create a personalized recovery plan that aligns with their unique needs, beliefs, and circumstances.

Elements of self-empowered recovery:

1. Exploring options: Mary Beth emphasizes the importance of investigating various recovery approaches, including both 12-step and secular options.
2. Personalized plans: Creating a recovery plan that combines elements from different approaches that resonate with the individual.
3. Flexibility: Being open to adjusting the plan as needs and circumstances change throughout the recovery journey.
4. Taking responsibility: Empowering oneself to make decisions about treatment and recovery, rather than having others dictate the process.

Self-empowered recovery can lead to a stronger sense of ownership over one's healing journey and potentially better long-term outcomes.

The Power of Incremental Goals

Mary Beth's story underscores the effectiveness of setting and achieving small, manageable goals in recovery. This approach can lead to significant long-term changes while building confidence and momentum.

Strategies for setting incremental goals:

1. Prioritization: Identify the most pressing areas that need attention in early recovery (e.g., maintaining sobriety, addressing mental health, improving relationships).
2. Specific and achievable: Set goals that are concrete and realistically attainable in the short term.
3. Regular reassessment: Continuously evaluate and adjust goals as progress is made and circumstances change.
4. Celebrating successes: Acknowledge and take pride in achieving even small goals, as this reinforces positive behavior and builds self-esteem.

By focusing on incremental progress, individuals in recovery can avoid feeling overwhelmed and maintain motivation throughout their journey.

Emotional Regulation and Interpersonal Skills

An often-overlooked aspect of recovery that Mary Beth highlights is the importance of developing emotional regulation and improving interpersonal skills. These areas are crucial for maintaining long-term recovery and building a fulfilling life in sobriety.

Key areas for development:

1. Recognizing emotional patterns: Becoming aware of how past trauma and addiction have shaped emotional responses.
2. Learning healthy coping mechanisms: Developing strategies to manage difficult emotions without turning to substances.
3. Improving communication: Learning to express needs and feelings in constructive ways.
4. Setting boundaries: Understanding how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships.
5. Practicing patience: Recognizing that improving these skills takes time and consistent effort.

As individuals in recovery develop these skills, they often find that their relationships improve, and they're better equipped to handle life's challenges without relapsing.

The Role of Support Systems

Mary Beth's story illustrates the critical role that support systems play in recovery. While her journey emphasizes self-empowerment, it also highlights the importance of having a network of supportive individuals and resources.

Components of effective support systems:

1. Professional help: Utilizing therapists, counselors, or other mental health professionals, especially those specializing in trauma and addiction.
2. Peer support groups: Exploring various options like 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, LifeRing, or Women for Sobriety to find a good fit.
3. Supportive relationships: Cultivating connections with friends, family, or partners who understand and support the recovery process.
4. Community involvement: Engaging in activities or organizations that provide a sense of purpose and connection.

Building a robust support system can provide the necessary foundation for long-term recovery and personal growth.

Journal Prompts:

1. Reflect on a time when you felt most empowered in your recovery journey. What contributed to that feeling?
2. Write about a small goal you achieved recently. How did it make you feel?
3. Describe your ideal support system. Who would be in it, and what roles would they play?
4. What are some positive personality traits or skills you possessed before addiction took hold? How can you reconnect with them?
5. Write a letter to your younger self, offering comfort and hope for the future.

Reflective Questions:

1. How has your understanding of forgiveness evolved throughout your recovery?
2. In what ways has your definition of happiness changed since beginning your healing journey?
3. How do you currently handle triggers or cravings? Are there areas where you could improve your coping strategies?
4. What role does secular or spiritual belief play in your recovery process?
5. How has your relationship with your past traumas shifted as you've progressed in recovery?

Related Exercises:

1. Practice the visualization technique Mary Beth described: Imagine your younger self entering the room. What would you say to comfort and reassure them?
2. Create a list of your accomplishments in recovery, no matter how small. Review and add to this list regularly.
3. Explore different peer support groups (online or in-person) to find one that resonates with your personal recovery philosophy.
4. Practice "editing" difficult memories: When a challenging memory surfaces, try reimagining a more positive outcome or response.
5. Engage in a creative activity (writing, music, art) that allows you to express and process your emotions related to recovery.

Loves, this is a ton of useful and free information. I am praying over these words right now so that they will fly through the ether and land in just the right inbox at just the right time to heal just the right person. Is that person you?

Much love and please let me know how I can support you. Feel free to reply to this email with any questions or suggestions. I am always open to feedback.

Dallas 💚

July 11, 2024