Recovery Begins (and ends) with the Tongue

Stop going to meetings. Don't call your sponsor. Fire your therapist and coach. Burn your gratitude lists. Put down the book and scroll on your phone. Throw away your journal.

None of your recovery efforts matter if you perceive and speak through a negative filter.

You think the circumstances of your life dictate how you feel.

Wrong.

How you feel dictates the circumstances of your life.

Your outward world (the effect) is created by your internal landscape (the cause).

This is why your recovery journey is difficult, stagnant, and heartbreaking.

Your perspective and, ultimately, your words speak of negativity, hardship, failure, and hopelessness.

You hate yourself.

You fight with friends.

You continue to relapse.

Your emotions are out of control.

You get treated unfairly on the job.

Your relationships with your family are strained.

All because you have spoken these realities into existence.

Think about this: we speak over 10,000 words a day. If you could imagine a pie chart, what percentage of your words are negative?

If you identify with the life experiences above, my guess is that your percentage of negative words far outweighs the positive.

First, let's qualify what is considered negative speech:

• Gossip: Spreading negative information about someone to others.
• Slander: Making false accusations or statements that damage someone's character.
• Falsehood: Lying or speaking untruths.
• Flattery: Exaggerated praise intended to manipulate or deceive.
• Boasting: Bragging or excessively promoting oneself.
• Mockery: Making fun of someone or their situation in a hurtful way.
• Words of anger: Speaking out of rage or aggression.
• Words of contention: Deliberately provoking arguments or conflict.
• Words of shaming: Publicly humiliating or embarrassing someone.
• Words of pride: Speaking from a self-important or arrogant perspective. 

I challenge you to take an inventory today. If you are experiencing blocks in your recovery, I'll bet the answer lies in the percentage of your words that fall into one of these categories.

And I'll place an even higher bet that these words are mostly spoken about yourself.

Successful recovery lies in the power of the tongue.

The Hidden Power of Self-Talk

Don't take my word for it. Look at the neuroscience!

When we encounter negative words - whether someone's saying them to us or we're saying them to ourselves - our brains release stress hormones. These hormones can trigger anxiety and depression, and they mess with our frontal lobe (that's the part of our brain we need for clear thinking and good decisions).

Our brains can't tell the difference between real and imagined negative situations. (Hense the power of affirmations).

When you're lying in bed worrying about bombing a presentation, your body reacts as if you're actually standing there bombing it. The same stress chemicals flood your system either way.

So when we sit there obsessing about getting rejected or not being good enough, our brain processes it as if it's already happened - that's why we feel so awful.

The tricky part is that negative self-talk can become a vicious cycle. Think of it like walking the same path through a field - eventually, you create a well-worn trail that's easier to follow than making a new one.

Our brains work similarly with negative thoughts. Keep at it long enough, and it starts affecting how we process memories, handle emotions, and even relate to others.

Why We Speak This Way

These internal conversations shape our reality more profoundly than we might realize. When we're caught in patterns of negative self-talk, we create an internal environment of hostility – becoming our worst critic and antagonist.

This self-criticism often stems from deep-seated shame, passed down through experiences that taught us to question our worth and identity.

Many don't realize that this self-hatred pattern often began as a survival mechanism.

In challenging environments or situations, we learned to turn against ourselves before others could, thinking this would protect us from external hurt.

We internalized the critical voices we heard, believing that if we could just be "better" or "different," we would finally be worthy of acceptance and love.

The Impact of Negative Self-Talk on Recovery

When we're in recovery, negative self-talk can become particularly dangerous because it often triggers the very behaviors we're trying to overcome.

Consider this cycle:

• We experience a challenge or setback
• Our internal critic becomes harsh and judgmental
• We feel shame and unworthiness
• These painful feelings trigger cravings
• We might relapse to escape these feelings
• The relapse reinforces our negative self-talk
• The cycle continues

Breaking this cycle requires understanding that recovery isn't just about abstaining from substances – it's about healing our relationship with ourselves.

We begin the healing process by changing our words even when we might not believe them at first.

Moving Forward

Remember that changing your internal dialogue is a practice, not a destination.

There will be days when negative self-talk feels overwhelming, and that's okay. The goal isn't perfection – it's progress.

Each time you catch yourself in negative self-talk and choose a more compassionate response, you're rewiring neural pathways and creating new possibilities for healing.

Your recovery journey is uniquely yours; you deserve to walk it with self-compassion and hope.

By consciously working to transform your internal dialogue from criticism to support, you're not just supporting your recovery – you're reclaiming your right to a life filled with dignity and self-respect.

Breaking the Cycle

1. Awareness

The first step is becoming aware of our negative self-talk patterns. Common themes might include:

• All-or-nothing thinking ("I messed up once, so I'm a complete failure")
• Catastrophizing ("I'll never be able to stay clean")
• Personalizing ("Everyone's life is going well except mine")
• Should statements ("I should be further along by now")

2. Investigation

Once we identify these patterns, we can investigate their origins:

• Where did these messages come from?
• What purpose did they serve in the past?
• Are they serving us now in recovery?

3. Transformation

With awareness and understanding, we can begin to transform these patterns:

• Challenge the validity of negative thoughts
• Create new, more compassionate responses
• Practice self-compassion actively and consistently

Moving from Shame to Empowerment

Signs of Progress

• Being able to sit with uncomfortable emotions without immediately seeking escape
• Catching negative self-talk and choosing different responses
• Developing self-compassion practices
• Building authentic connections with others
• Celebrating small victories in recovery

Tools for Transformation

Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness helps us create space between our thoughts and our reactions. Try this simple practice:

1. Notice when negative self-talk arises
2. Take three conscious breaths
3. Label the thought ("This is negative self-talk")
4. Choose a compassionate response

Body-Based Practices

Our bodies hold the impact of shame and negative self-talk. Consider:

• Gentle movement or yoga
• Progressive muscle relaxation
• Breathing exercises
• Somatic experiencing techniques

Ok, are you ready? Join me in taking every thought and word captive to radically change our lives and recovery journey.

The time is now, my love.

Let me know how I can support you.

Dallas 💚

Reflective Questions

Take time to consider these questions honestly:

• What recurring phrases do I use when talking to myself about my recovery?
• How would I speak to a close friend going through what I'm experiencing?
• What voices from my past am I still carrying within my internal dialogue?
• What would become possible in my recovery if I could speak to myself with compassion?
• How has negative self-talk protected me in the past, and how might it be limiting me now?
• What parts of myself am I still hiding or ashamed of?
• How might my recovery journey look different if I fully accepted myself?
• What small step could I take today toward self-acceptance?

Actionable Exercise: The Mirror of Compassion

Set aside 5 minutes each morning for this exercise:

1. Stand in front of a mirror
2. Look yourself in the eyes
3. Speak one kind truth about yourself out loud
4. Acknowledge one step of progress you've made, no matter how small
5. End with the phrase: "I am worthy of recovery and healing"

Start with just 5 minutes. If it feels too challenging, start by simply looking in the mirror and taking three deep breaths. Build up gradually.

Additional Daily Practices

• Keep a self-talk log to track patterns
• Write down three things you did well each day
• Practice self-compassion meditation
• Create and repeat personal mantras that counter negative self-talk
• Engage in activities that make you feel proud and capable

Journal Prompts

1. "Today I noticed my inner critic saying... A more compassionate response would be..."
2. "One way my recovery journey has shown my strength is..."
3. "If I could write a letter to my younger self about worthiness and healing, I would say..."
4. "Three small ways I can show myself kindness in recovery today are..."
5. "When I feel shame arising, I can support myself by..."

Additional prompts for deeper exploration:

• "The parts of my identity I'm learning to embrace are..."
• "My recovery journey is teaching me..."
• "I'm proud of myself for..."
• "One boundary I need to set with my inner critic is..."
• "The support I need right now looks like..."

Creating Your Personal Empowerment Plan

1. Morning Practice

• Begin each day with intention
• Practice self-compassion exercises
• Set a positive focus for the day

1. Throughout the Day

• Check in with your self-talk regularly
• Use grounding techniques when needed
• Practice mindful awareness
• Connect with supportive people

1. Evening Reflection

• Review the day without judgment
• Acknowledge progress and learning opportunities
• Set intentions for tomorrow