How many people in your life know the real you?
Do you even know the real you?
Withholding your authenticity leads to disassociation. You wonder who is actually living your life.
Ignorance of your authentic self leads to feeling stagnant. Misguided versions of yourself are living your life.
Are you ready for something more?
Pride was an issue for me at the beginning of my sobriety. I told myself I was not on the same level as the other addicts. As an older professional white man, I didn't look like anyone around me in rehab or recovery court.
My prideful perspective inhibited me from being honest about my internal struggle. I was scared of being like 'them'.
During one of the final sessions of rehab, my counselor broke through the smoke screen. I admitted that I was scared to graduate without the security of random drug tests. I realized that addiction doesn't discriminate. He remarked that since I was finally being honest, I was ready to complete the program.
I thought it would hold me back, but the truth set me free.
I'm a slow learner. Below is a pictograph showing how long it took me to practice transparency with my drug treatment counselor. I prepared this for the judge on the day I graduated from the Mecklenburg County Recovery Court:
The route to living radical honesty was not easy, but here is an overview of my method:
Accept the Inevitable.
Active addiction is all about deceiving others, but especially ourselves. We grew familiar with lying to the point of it becoming our truth.
For most of us, this practice began long before substance abuse. In fact, our first addiction was to lies.
I spent my entire life hiding my true nature. The belief I held was that if anyone saw who I was inside I would be ridiculed. So, mask-wearing was my default. Can you relate to that?
We become addicted to creating false realities to numb and distract from our inner pain. A made-up version of ourselves avoids facing the enormity of our real-life situation.
Mirror Work.
This practice shifted my sobriety profoundly. It can be terrifyingly vulnerable to expose your inner self to others. Mirror work creates a foundation for honesty, by practicing with yourself.
In front of a mirror, begin by telling yourself obvious truths like “I am standing in front of a mirror”. Work into deeper truths; what you really think, how you really feel, and where you really are in your sobriety.
There is something powerful about looking yourself in the eyes. Practicing radical honesty while making eye contact with yourself creates new neural pathways. It will feel more natural when it is time to interact with others.
Pay attention to how the body feels and journal it all in vivid detail.
Create the Container.
Once you are ready, practice honesty with others. Learning to be honest is like learning any other new habit or skill. In the beginning, it is helpful to use metaphorical training wheels. Use intention to create a safe space so you don't crash and burn!
Find at least one person who provides a space of nonjudgement. This person will allow you to speak without trying to interject with their own thoughts. The nervous system could be damaged if your honesty is met with shame, condescension, or dismissiveness.
Practice within the container teaches the brain that truth is met with grace and acceptance. You will feel a shift into alignment with your authentic self. Once it feels more comfortable, begin speaking your truth into the world.
Honesty is uncommon, so people may be unable to process or interpret your transparency. Be patient. And remember to be kind. Marianne Williamson, in her book A Return to Love states "Honesty without sympathy is brutality." Sometimes when we have held back our truth for so long, we move to the opposite spectrum and spew it regardless of its impact. "Brutal honesty" will not improve your sobriety experience.
Know Thyself.
Living and speaking your truth organically builds authenticity and revolutionizes your well-being. Suddenly you realize what you really want and need.
Knowing your truth creates self-connection and anchors the wobbliness you’ve come to know as your normal state. Freedom is realized once you stop carrying around hidden thoughts and emotions.
Leverage this clarity by defining who you are and establishing boundaries.
You'll be organically released from people and situations that are out of alignment and holding your life back from growth.
For more on this, see my previous post Do You Know Who You Are?
Pay It Forward.
Unlocking honesty takes sobriety to its deepest level. This journey isn’t only for your benefit, though.
When others see the freedom you've unlocked in your life, they will be inspired to change.
In the beginning, I was very nervous about sharing so intimately with others, especially on social media. But, every time I would be vulnerable, another addict would express their gratitude. And the deeper I share, the more feedback I receive.
You will become a voice for those bound by fear. Seeing someone else’s honesty gives others the strength to step into their power.
This is your opportunity to affect lives, leave a legacy, and shape the trajectory of the world!
I want to hear from you! How can you embody radical honesty today? Reply to this email and let me know your thoughts and share your experience.
Love to all, Dallas
Coming February 2024! This podcast will take a deep dive into the stories of those loved ones affected by the crystal meth epidemic, especially among gay men. The objective is to create a toolkit of tips, advice, and perspectives from those left in the aftermath of the addiction.
If you or someone you know is in the last stages of being completely sober and would like to take a deep dive into the causes and remedies of relapse, check out my online course. The next start date is November 15th.
I'd love your feedback on my latest guided meditation: a journey to your inner child.
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