CORRECTED LINKS: Do You Believe in Love After Meth?

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WITH THE PODCAST LINKS IN THE FIRST EMAIL- THIS ONE WORKS!

I need you to know that there really is sex after meth.

Good sex.

Great sex.

And, better yet, there is looooove after meth.

But don't take my word for it! 

In this episode, Dave Becker shares his journey of rediscovering love, intimacy, and sexuality after crystal meth addiction. 

This guide is designed to help you reflect on your own recovery journey and develop healthy approaches to relationships and sexuality in sobriety.

Dave's honest and vulnerable sharing demonstrates that with patience, self-work, and appropriate boundaries, you can not only reclaim your sexuality but build deeper and more authentic connections than before.

Remember that everyone's recovery timeline is different. This guide isn't meant to rush you but to help you thoughtfully consider your own readiness and healing process.

Listen to the Podcast HERE

Watch the Podcast HERE

Section 1: Rebuilding Your Sexual Self

Dave emphasizes that rushing back into sexual experiences too quickly can be counterproductive.

During early recovery, your brain chemistry is still healing, and many of the emotional issues that led to using drugs are still raw.

Here's what Dave learned about rebuilding his sexual self after meth:

• Time and patience are essential. Dave took months to process his trauma and work with a therapist before re-engaging sexually.
• Safety and trust come first. When Dave did begin exploring sexuality again, he did so with people he trusted deeply who understood his recovery journey.
• Sexual healing requires practice. Early sexual experiences may feel awkward or even disappointing compared to drug-enhanced sex, but with practice and patience, natural pleasure returns.
• Setting boundaries is crucial. Being clear about your recovery needs with potential partners helps create the safety necessary for healing.

Reflective Questions:

1. What are your fears about sex and intimacy in recovery?
2. How has meth affected your relationship with your body and your sexuality?
3. What would a healthy sexual relationship look like for you now?

Journal Prompts:

1. Write about a time when you experienced genuine intimacy without substances. What made that experience meaningful?
2. Describe the qualities of someone who would be a safe person to practice intimacy with in recovery.
3. List 5 things you value about yourself beyond your sexual desirability.

Section 2: Dating and Relationships in Recovery

Dave shares how he reclaimed dating apps by being transparent about his sobriety and using them to connect with others in recovery.

He also discusses the importance of building a foundation of self-love before seeking a relationship.

Key Insights:

• Work on yourself first. Dave describes feeling "settled" and loving himself before a relationship felt right.
• Transparency about recovery is freeing. Using "sober" in his dating profile helped Dave connect with like-minded people.
• Love can become its own addiction. Be aware that relationships can sometimes replace substances as an unhealthy coping mechanism.
• Your timeline is personal. While some recovery programs suggest waiting a year, Dave notes that everyone's readiness is different.
• Authentic connection requires vulnerability. Hiding parts of yourself prevents true intimacy from developing.

Reflective Questions:

1. How might you distinguish between healthy attraction and the "rush" of a new relationship that could mimic addiction?
2. What relationship patterns from your past might need examination before you enter a new relationship?
3. How comfortable are you with being transparent about your recovery with potential partners?

Journal Prompts:

1. List 10 qualities you want to embody in a relationship that would support your growth and recovery.
2. Write about what "doing the work" in recovery means to you personally.
3. Reflect on times when you've used relationships to avoid dealing with emotional pain.

Section 3: Building a New Sexual Template

Dave discusses reclaiming sex as a sober person, including how to address erectile dysfunction, redefining what's pleasurable, and letting go of meth-influenced sexual behaviors.

Key Insights:

• Your sexual preferences may change. Activities that seemed exciting while high may hold little appeal in recovery.
• Physical healing takes time. Issues like erectile dysfunction typically improve with time and mindful approaches to sexuality.
• The gay community's expectations around sex can add pressure. Dave notes that insecurity about performance affects many people, not just those in recovery.
• Trust your disgust response. As you heal, previously appealing drug-related sexual scenarios may begin to feel repulsive—trust this as a sign of recovery.
• Find partners who understand patience. Recovery-aware partners can provide the understanding environment needed for sexual healing.

Reflective Questions:

1. How has your definition of good sex changed since beginning recovery?
2. What aspects of your sexuality feel authentically yours versus influenced by drug use?
3. How comfortable are you communicating your needs and boundaries to a sexual partner?

Journal Prompts:

1. Write about a healthy sexual experience that you'd like to have in recovery.
2. Reflect on how pornography or media has shaped your expectations about sex and how this relates to your recovery.
3. Describe how your relationship with your body has evolved through recovery.

Section 4: Reclaiming Spaces and Relationships

Dave shares how he reclaimed places and even relationships that were previously associated with drug use, including returning to Provincetown and maintaining connections with some former using buddies who respect his sobriety.

Key Insights:

• Avoidance isn't always necessary. With sufficient recovery work, many people can reclaim spaces and relationships that were once triggering.
• Testing your boundaries gradually is important. Dave describes the "test" of staying across from a former party location as strengthening his resolve.
• Some former connections can become recovery allies. Dave mentions that some former using partners have sought his guidance about recovery.
• Recognition of drug use in others becomes intuitive. Dave can now identify when someone is using based on behavior patterns.
• Your "spidey sense" about using situations is a protective mechanism. Trusting this instinct helps maintain boundaries.

Reflective Questions:

1. What places or relationships have you avoided due to their association with drug use?
2. How might you determine if you're ready to reclaim a particular space or relationship?
3. What boundaries would you need to set when reconnecting with people from your using past?

Journal Prompts:

1. Write about a place that was important to you but became associated with drug use. How might you reclaim it?
2. Reflect on friendships that were meaningful beyond drug use and whether these could be rebuilt in recovery.
3. Describe a moment when you recognized your "spidey sense" warning you about a person or situation.

Conclusion

Dave's journey demonstrates that recovery from meth addiction isn't just about abstinence—it's about reclaiming your authentic self, including your sexuality and capacity for genuine connection.

The process takes time, patience, and compassion for yourself.

Remember that recovery isn't built in a day.

Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.

Your journey is unique, and there's no universal timeline for healing.

Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and never hesitate to reach out for support when you need it.

Love you guys! Dallas

"I'm so glad I'm sober. This is an extremely stressful moment, and I think going and using crystal meth would be so easy and so relaxing, you know? And I was like, I'm so glad I'm sober." - Dave Becker

About the Author: Dave Becker has been sober for over four years and hosts the Sober Gay Sunday podcast. He also runs Sober Gay Sunday in Boston, an organization that brings members of the LGBTQIA+ community in recovery together for social events.