All the Feels

In this Issue:

--Heal the Trigger, Heal the Trauma: Four Ways to Manage Triggers

--YouTube Video: Accompaniment to Heal the Trigger, Heal the Trauma

--Podcast Spotlight: ThoughtVolution

--FREE Download Offer

--Sober, but Sad: How to Reframe Depression in Sobriety

--Client Testimonial

What’s it like to live each day as a passenger on an emotional roller coaster? When you are not in control of your emotions, you are allowing the highs and lows of your life to be governed externally. Continuing the metaphor, imagine the kid in the booth moving the levers as you’re jerked around the track; this is how we allow our beliefs and trauma to operate in our daily lives.

I can tell you from experience that this state of being is exhausting. You will feel perpetually depleted if you aren’t exercising your agency to set boundaries and move your own levers. Why do we continue to outsource our peace of mind? In my opinion, it is because we’ve modeled from our upbringing and no one is teaching us how to effectively manage our triggers.

What is a trigger? I am slowly moving away from this term because of its association with gun violence. The word itself casts a negative connotation on the experience before we even begin the dialogue. For nomenclature's sake, let’s go with “trigger” within this discussion.

Triggers can be people, images, words, situations, or thoughts that evoke intense emotional reactions. We associate these events with “negative” emotions such as anger, fear, jealousy, lust, pride, or resentment. You could be in the best mood possible, just skipping through your day and then suddenly someone makes a comment that sets your nervous system on high alert. Suddenly, you are spiraling.
Unmanaged triggers cause disruptions in your well-being, impulsive responses that you may regret later, and/or damaged relationships with others and self. Essentially, you take a seat on that roller coaster, at the mercy of your individual conditioning. This is sometimes referred to as “going offline.” You allow the default part of your brain to pull the levers. You are whipping and turning, going up and then down, screaming (literally or figuratively) the whole way.

The process of discovering the origin of your trigger and neutralizing it takes work. But, here I’ve supplied you with four quick and easy steps to successfully manage your “emotional activations”:

1.Reframe. There is a natural human tendency to view everything negatively. We search first for threats because that has been programming from the caveman days. The first step is to set an intention to shift the way you view triggered emotions from negative experiences to growth opportunities.

Affirm that you will replace frustration with curiosity. Become a student of yourself to remain open to all that God is trying to show you. Approach your life as if every single person, place, and event is there for your benefit. Instead of “Oh no, I’m angry” say “What is this emotion trying to teach me?”

Suggested prayer: “All things work together for my good. I am open to receiving the guidance that every emotion provides.”

2. Express instead of Suppress. Resist the urge to constrict mentally and physically after noticing the emotion. Since we view emotions such as anger as unwanted feelings, often our first reaction is to compartmentalize or hide our feelings. We pride ourselves in finding ways to conceal the rage.

Begin practicing the art of letting go by allowing the emotion to run its course. This begins with taking a pause. I call this the Powerful Pause because simply making the effort to stop, breathe, and come to center can create a monumental impact. Relax all the muscles in your body, mindful of physical sensations.

Suppressing an emotion places it under resistance, causing pressure to build. If we continue to suppress, it will explode like taking the lid off of a shaken soda. That’s where the phrase “keeping your emotions bottled up” comes from.

Suggested prayer: “I lovingly allow my emotions to express themselves throughout my body and let go of the need to suppress.”

3. Build a relationship with emotion. Put all skepticism aside and embrace the value of personifying your emotions because each one represents a part of who you are. Approaching emotions as fragments of yourself alleviates the shame associated with the actions that can be associated with the activation. When you build a relationship with your parts, you are only deepening your self-awareness.

After step two has been completed, now ask (silently or audibly) “When did I feel you the very first time?” It may help to close your eyes and place your hand over your heart. Once you’ve asked the question, the first memory that shows up for you will point you to the emotion’s origin. Trust the first memory that comes forward, don’t doubt or question.

Keep in mind that you aren’t looking for the emotion itself, but the nuanced energy around it. For instance, if the emotion is anger, you are seeking for the first occurrence of anger, but that particular “flavor” of anger.

Now ask “What are you trying to protect me from?” and allow the answer to come forth. It may not be clear the first time you ask. But, more often than not by now you have a strong indication of the underlying reason for the “trigger” and it is never the situation that caused it in real-time.

Suggested prayer: “I have all of the answers within me, I only have to ask.”

4. Flip the Script. The challenge with this exercise is that each one of us has individual context and conditioning that will cause the strategy for healing to be unique. This practice requires self-awareness, meditation, and intention. Not to mention patience because you are undoing years of momentum in one direction and years of neural pathways.

The answers to number three will enable you to devise a plan to help the emotion understand that you are safe. Now that you know when the emotion was born and what its mission is (which is always to protect you from harm), you have a blueprint for healing.

This would be the most opportune journaling practice. Brainstorm ways you can help this emotion feel safe. What measures can you take to remind yourself that the moment when the emotion was born is in the past and how can you move forward to create a more balanced future?

Suggested prayer: “I know (name of emotion) is only protecting me from (insert your findings) so I will find ways to let (name of emotion) know that I am safe.”

We were born perfectly and wonderfully. We were whole. Then the conditioning of the human experience caused obstructions to our internal light. When we notice our imperfections and awaken to the need for healing, we begin the journey back to ourselves. Emotions are divine gifts meant to guide your journey toward this perfect wholeness.

If you are interested in working with me to take a deep dive into the practices listed above and beyond, don’t hesitate to reach out. Love to all!

This article is also explained via my new (and only one so far) YouTube video. Please take a moment and subscribe to my YouTube channel for weekly inspiration.

I was recently featured on the ThoughtVolution Podcast where I shared my full, unfiltered story. I hope you'll take a listen when you have some time and also rate and review!

FREE Quick Guide for Overwriting Limiting Beliefs

As an expansion to my Four Ways to Effective Process Triggers, I am pleased to offer a FREE 8-Step Quick Guide for Overwriting Limiting Beliefs (Download below).

The quick guide invites you to take eight easy steps toward healing the limiting beliefs and patterns that live beneath emotional activations (triggers). Feel free to download and offer feedback on this tool. I am always open to improvements.

You thought sobriety would be rainbows and butterflies. Well, that was the story that was sold to you, right? Or the story you made up because being sober must be the opposite of the miserable life you created in active addiction.

After putting down the substance, you picked up depression. Now you are depressed about being depressed. And using sounds pretty tempting.

Depression is often a normal part of early sober life. The same goes for relapse. If we can honor the entirety of our journey, guilt dissipates. Often in early sobriety, we compound the sadness through frustration and self-degradation.

Relapse is often the direct result of remaining in the feedback loop of depressed-guilt-anger-depressed. Below are some techniques that helped me break free from this loop.

After getting sober and rebuilding my life, I became bored and depressed. I magnified the depression by feeling guilty about being depressed. Wasn’t I supposed to be happy and grateful? I felt like there was no hope for me and that I was bound to a life of happiness found only through addiction.

Zoom out for perspective:

Consider the shock you’ve placed on your nervous system. The trauma shield has been instantaneously removed. Every familiar aspect of your existence is in complete flux.

Give yourself a break for highs and lows during this transition. I called this season of my sobriety “buffering.” It felt like there was a digital spinning wheel hovering over me while my life rebooted.

Sadness will fade, but sobriety won’t. You will find that living sober will be the only constant you have long-term. It is just difficult to see that until you gain a higher perspective.

Be vulnerable without the fear of judgment:

It is ok to be grateful and pissed about sobriety simultaneously. Without the substance, you are a raw nerve. You are feeling for the first time and that would make anyone miserable. You may feel as if you are in constant pain.

Be open about your emotions without people-pleasing. This is the time to find a support network that will allow you to be transparent. Find a space of non-judgment and admit that you were having more fun being an addict.

Don’t allow others to define your sobriety journey:

You may be expected, especially by nonaddicts, to behave in a certain way. You don’t owe anyone anything.

You may feel pressure to behave in a certain way or show gratitude in a way that others expect. They aren't the ones feeling what you are feeling. You have every right to be depressed, angry, resentful, etc.

Emotions are temporary and not success indicators of your journey. You cannot base how well you’re doing on positive or negative emotions. Feel each emotion fully and allow it to pass on its own.

Ride the wave, but don’t be taken out to sea.

The process of getting sober is tough. Embracing depression as part of the process will bring much more than happiness, you’ll discover true liberation.

If any of this resonated with you, reach out to me so we can discuss sobriety coaching.

Thank YOU!

It is my honor to offer the learning I receive as God unveils it in my life. I send this newsletter wrapped in prayer that at least one person out there will benefit from the content and make a positive change in their life.

Please reach out to me anytime with questions, feedback, or conversation.

Dallas

P.S.

I led my first live meditation this morning: Dissolving Attachments. If you take a listen, I would LOVE your unfiltered feedback.

These happen every week via my facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/reclaimingourpower