Are you triggered by the concept of a higher power within the 12-step Program? What if I told you there is no higher power other than yourself?
Hear me out:
Many sober people are living without the substance but still feel unfulfilled. They haven’t fully embodied the healing process of sobriety. I see this state of being among my clients who report being stuck on the concept of accepting a higher power.
More often than not, those who experience active addiction have also experienced religious trauma. In fact, there is a direct correlation between addiction and religious trauma (See this recent study on the lasting effects of the LDS church).
My own addiction timeline (downloadable below) has some of its roots in the constant barrage of shame and fear tactics by certain leaders in the church. At the beginning of my sobriety journey, I was triggered by the use of “God” and even worse “Jesus”.
Step 2 of the 12 steps makes the informal requirement to create some sort of higher power outside of yourself. I never made it past Step Two.
Instead, I took my own path:
EGO Death 101
Shortly after quitting crystal meth, I found myself in desperate need of direction as I battled confusion about finding a higher power. I went into nature where I came across a rotting tree on the ground. An almost audible voice told me that I needed to die like this tree. The full story is here http://bit.ly/3tzTDuA.
Later I realized the tree was a metaphor for EGO Death. Since not everyone will have a divine download like this, here’s what that message meant:
EGO is the conglomeration of all beliefs that have been created throughout your life. Imagine a ball of light representing your true nature that existed at birth. Each human experience is represented by a long string that wraps around this ball. As we develop, our true nature (our light) is more and more obscured, which produces our personality.
EGO death, then, is unraveling the strings to bring us closer to self. Sobriety is useless if we aren’t engaging in this practice. We quit the substance to allow us the clarity of mind to unravel, repair, and experience ourselves as the light.
The light is the higher power; we are a spark of that light. We are the higher power.
The death of EGO allows us to dissolve every limiting belief.
As Within, So Without
What if every situation and person in your life was called in by your subconscious? That would mean that life is happening for you, not to you. This would also make you solely accountable for your current reality.
Taking responsibility for your life condition is a concept that the sober community has misunderstood. Addiction and relapse can be viewed in two ways:
“This is all my fault because I can’t manage my life, my past trauma, etc.”
OR
“I’ve called this experience in because there are active beliefs about myself that are in need of healing.”
The first is rooted in guilt and the second is rooted in curiosity.
When guilt leads, we are inclined to adopt a higher power outside of ourselves to assume the victim role. When curiosity leads, we find power through knowledge of self and assume the creator role. Knowledge of self is the illuminating power that unravels those obscurations (or strings).
We are the higher power when we can identify limiting beliefs, overwrite them, and thus collapse the effect of trauma. For an illustration of how I was able to use emotional triggers to uncover beliefs and overwrite them, I've attached my 8-step method.
Creating Your Highest Version.
My sobriety journey was stagnant until I created the highest version of myself. How can we move up the development spiral without a Northstar? Cultivate a relationship with your highest self if you want to fully embrace healing in sobriety.
Begin by writing a description of your highest self within each segment of your life. Then, imagine real-life scenarios of your highest self embodying these qualities. It is important to incorporate all five senses and really feel the emotion of being that version of yourself.
For instance, in my own practice, my highest self let go of resentment. The outcome of this facet in my imagination was reconciling with someone. I could fully feel the deep release of love, the pressure of their arms embracing me, the words of the conversation, and even the aroma of the coffee we were sharing.
This practice sets the Universe in motion and most importantly allows you to be the producer, director, writer, and actor of your own life.
You are your higher power.
Construct who you are in the next chapter of your life to allow the next chapter of your life to emerge.
(For more on this, see my post: Do You Know Who You Are?)
When you accept that the personality you've come to identify with was created by external life experience, you are immediately positioned as the higher power in your life. Only you can create and control who are you moving forward. Only you can lead this journey back to your original light, your true self.
External reality is now yours to shape. And no experience in life will give you this kind of opportunity like active addiction.
It is time to step into your power.
Thank you so very much for continuing to read this weekly letter and supporting my mission to facilitate the healing of addictive patterns. I send this out into the universe having poured my heart into every word with the intention that at least one person will be moved by its content.
Love to all đź’š
Dallas
Hope you enjoy this supplemental guided meditation:
Understand why you are excessively relapsing and learn tools to stop the cycle. This 4 week (28 days) online course includes group coaching, guided meditations, online group support, and daily journal prompts. Let's change the way Relapse is conceptualized in the sobriety community!
The podcast is under construction! Coming February 2024:
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